TPS Report 11/13/09

Sometimes, you wonder what people are thinking when they come into a store. I am sitting there around midnight at the LGS (Local Game Store). We are open until 1, so this is not unusual. The gaming for the night has all but ended, and only a few people are left in the store.

We are just hanging out making small talk when we hear some commotion coming from the parking lot. And by commotion, I mean a jackhammer sound as it is wailing on paved road, like a parking lot. It sounds close, and I am wondering for a brief second if the end is neigh. Then the door opens, which of course, makes the sound louder. Turns out it was coming from a truck that has parked in the fire lane outside.

Now, it should be noted that I am a firm believer in walking. Especially when it involves fire lanes. I think people who park in fire lanes need to be hooked to the back of their car and dragged for five miles. I have seen the reports of people dying in fires because fire lanes were blocked. Therefore, the guy that gets out of his truck, and ultimately comes into the store is already NOT on my good list. For sake of argument, I am going to call the guy Hobo.

Hobo looks like he came right out of the alley. Matted hair, and clothes that can best be described as "unkempt." He wreaks of cigarette smoke, which is just flat out nasty, and after about 2 seconds, I realized he had the brains of the door he just came in. He doesn't say hi. He doesn't look around. He finds me and looks me dead in the eye with all seriousness and says...

"How do ya get in da liquor store next door?"

Really. I mean really. I even got the accent down on that one. I wish I was creative enough to make this shit up, but I am not. So, remembering that it is Friday at Midnight, I answer about as straight as I can. "Through the door."

The couple guys in the store with me smirk a bit. I mean, what else can they do? Its the right answer, but apparently I was missing something. So the conversation does not end, much to my chagrin.

"Ya, but da door out der is locked, un' it says don't enter."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY-03vYYAjA

Good lord. Even when he is telling me what he read he still uses contractions. It says DO NOT ENTER. Speak normal English you moron. At this point, I don't want him to get more alcohol. Sounds like he has had enough already. But who am I to keep the hilljack from his Pabst. The rest of the conversation was:

Deimos: Yea. That would be the exit door...
Hobo: Uh...
Deimos: ...and the entrance door is the one to the right of that that says "open" on it.
Hobo: I ain't see anudder door.
Deimos: Oh, its there. You just have to keep going past the first door.
Hobo: I's tellin' ya, I ain't seein' anudder door out there.
Deimos: Trust me, its out there. If you can't find it, I will point it out, but its there.

What needs to be appreciated is that this whole time, I kept a serious and interested look. The Hobo walks out, and is never seen again. But his truck was rattling for over five minutes, so its safe to say he found the "enter" door.

It stuns me that people like this are not only allowed to come out in public, but haven't been fumigated yet. And for Christ's sake, fix your damn truck...

-Deimos